Hurt

Maybe it's because I over analyze everything, but I just don't know what has happened to me. I feel rather uptight lately and I just don't know where the old me went. Was it because of that summer back home? I kind of miss home more than I ever had lately and I just don't know what to do. I have so many things jumbled up in my mind that I honestly think that I have almost reached that point where I almost can't take it anymore. I feel stressed out every single day and my savior is the gym. I don't smoke, I don't drink so that's pretty much the only option I got and I absolutely love it. But the thing is with everything going on in my life I feel mature beyond my age. I turn 22 in 20 days and I feel like I have a mind of a 28 year old. I should be enjoying my time here. I should be having the time of my life. I thought I was. But then when I dwell on this I feel like there is a huge void in my life where I just can't seem to fill. However, I am so grateful for all the support I've been getting from my friends here, family back home and especially my sister. If it weren't for them, I would think I'd go out of my mind. People say patience is a virtue, and boy have I been tirelessly been waiting, and waiting for something to go right, but nothing seems to be working at all. God, if you're listening, please please please calm my soul. I don't know why but I feel like if I was pushed I could literally suffer from a disastrous breakdown of sorts.

I just want to find the old me again. The person people knew as carefree, and just a joy to be around with. I miss him. And hopefully I can find him again in these coming days cause I don't want to start a new year being this version of myself. 

Ps// Readers, this post is rather depressing, but I can assure you I am holding up. I am generally an optimistic person so I won't do anything harmful or life threatening. Thanks for reading and caring. I love you.