Stressed

So I listen to extremely calming (and beautiful) music like so:



Enjoy.

ADD?

I find myself having rather short attention spans these days. The teeniest thing could distract me and I end up wasting a lot of time doing things I don't necessarily need to to: surf the web, online shopping, read the news, go on BuzzFeed. It's just, do I have ADD? Even this blog post is something I don't necessarily need to do but I did do it didn't I? Goodness focus Faiz, focus. A couple weeks to go. 

TwentyTwo

Twenty one was definitely a year for the books. Through all the ups and downs I went through this year, I made it through and I believe I am a stronger and better person now than I was ever before. And if it was anything I learned this year, it was perseverance. Through everything that happened, I kept going. I didn't give up. There were those points where I almost hit that threshold, but I held on. Last year was a year of revolution. This revolution was of me and my outlook of life. It seemed like I have been doing it wrong all these years and focusing on all the wrong things. No, life need not be perfect. If it was, life would be so dull. Life is meant to be enjoyed. If not, there really isn't a point in living is there? A wise friend of mine who I love to death once said, "life is about doing what you really like even if it's doing nothing or just relaxing and reading your favorite book." I couldn't agree more on this. You see, before, all I was focusing on was perfection. But in actuality it isn't healthy to chase perfection. Ideally it would be nice to have a so-called 'perfect' life, but then again without all these struggles and challenges, then there really won't be any fun in living. Yes, I admit, I had some tough times through these challenges faced but I still made it through didn't I? 

Twenty two will hopefully be my best year yet. I am uncertain of what the future holds but I am keeping optimistic. I feel like with a new outlook on life, this will materialize. Before I end this simple post, here is another quote from another beloved friend of mine. "You just have to open your eyes to the beautiful things in life. See them, use them, otherwise you'll lose them." Here's to a new year. Here's to twenty two. Here's to life.

New Page

I think I've turned over a new leaf. I was in no way being myself for the past month in a half and after a couple of deep conversation with dear friends and also my beloved sister, I may think I am on track to feeling much, much better. The fact that this week has been the best week yet of this semester is proof my life is looking up. I think the moral of this story is to not bottle up too much inside. I think I found that out the hard way. But the past is history, and now I am more determined to focus on the present and also plan for the future. I'll do my best to get back to where I was when I was extremely happy and hopefully finish of this year with a bang. Looking forward for Thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas and December break. Let's do this. 

:)

Hope

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light
'Cause oh that gave me such a fright
But I will hold on with all of my might
Just promise me we'll be alright

Old Faiz where are you?

Hurt

Maybe it's because I over analyze everything, but I just don't know what has happened to me. I feel rather uptight lately and I just don't know where the old me went. Was it because of that summer back home? I kind of miss home more than I ever had lately and I just don't know what to do. I have so many things jumbled up in my mind that I honestly think that I have almost reached that point where I almost can't take it anymore. I feel stressed out every single day and my savior is the gym. I don't smoke, I don't drink so that's pretty much the only option I got and I absolutely love it. But the thing is with everything going on in my life I feel mature beyond my age. I turn 22 in 20 days and I feel like I have a mind of a 28 year old. I should be enjoying my time here. I should be having the time of my life. I thought I was. But then when I dwell on this I feel like there is a huge void in my life where I just can't seem to fill. However, I am so grateful for all the support I've been getting from my friends here, family back home and especially my sister. If it weren't for them, I would think I'd go out of my mind. People say patience is a virtue, and boy have I been tirelessly been waiting, and waiting for something to go right, but nothing seems to be working at all. God, if you're listening, please please please calm my soul. I don't know why but I feel like if I was pushed I could literally suffer from a disastrous breakdown of sorts.

I just want to find the old me again. The person people knew as carefree, and just a joy to be around with. I miss him. And hopefully I can find him again in these coming days cause I don't want to start a new year being this version of myself. 

Ps// Readers, this post is rather depressing, but I can assure you I am holding up. I am generally an optimistic person so I won't do anything harmful or life threatening. Thanks for reading and caring. I love you.