I Really Should Be Doing Homework

This past week has been more than overwhelming. For starters, I was practically running all around campus getting from one building to another, a feat rather hard to do with all the snow and ice on the ground. So far though, I've been alright, no slips yet and hopefully none, ever. Anyway, between classes, gym, hanging out with friends, homework, cooking, eating and everything in between, it's a wonder that I am still holding up. To make things sound worse than they are, its only week 2 and I'm already like this. I guess in the end, it isn't just me going through this. If I feel this way, I am sure others feel the same too. So I tell myself, this too shall pass and it gets better. If it is anything to look forward to is probably the fact that this will (hopefully) be my last brutal semester. From here on out it will only be mainly fun stuff (again, hopefully). I really am enjoying my time here, having formed strong bonds with certain people and getting accustomed to the weather. Speaking of the weather, I honestly don't mind it. If it wasn't snowing too much, I'd probably be on my bike again to go to class and the gym. It makes everything 5 times faster than having to wait for the bus and 10 times faster than having to walk. In fact, I biked the first week of school when the highs were -23˚F and lows of who even cares. A rather soothing experience I must say. Anyway, back to this semester, I'll give it my all, yes I will. But, I am not going to stress out as much as I did last semester. This semester, whatever happens, happens. I really want to do well, yes, but if it affects my well being and in turn makes me feel unhappy, there really is no point. So this year it's all about being happy, and making others happy too. I hope it pans out well, cause by the end of this year, I'd want to be a healthy, happy 23 year old in his prime. So here's to 2013. I did make it through January, so whats another 11 months? Cheers.

Uh-oh

So I went back to school last week thinking that I would have time to get readjusted to school life, but whoa, every single professor of mine thew us curve a curve ball, assigned assignments and started teaching on day one. I can't even. Week one and I already feel the pinch. I wonder how my life will be 4 weeks down the road. Cheers to the new semester.

The Gladiator

If it's any movie that I watch that gets me every time, it has to be The Gladiator. It's just so touching. Especially this scene above. Gaah, OK, over and out.

Au Revoir 2012

If it was anything, 2012 has brought me many a challenge and I have to say it was quite a ride, a fun one at that. There was so much going on this year and I have to say I learnt a lot from it. Albeit those times when I felt really down, I believe that 2012 was perhaps one of the best years by far. Friendships were made, lessons were learnt and I am perhaps the happiest I have ever been. I started working out and eating healthy and I think it has shown and I think I quite like what I see so far so I'll keep pushing my limits. So, I bid adieu to 2012 and welcome in 2013 with open arms. I feel like this is my year. Yup, let's do this. Here's to the best year yet. 

Happy new year peeps!

Stressed

So I listen to extremely calming (and beautiful) music like so:



Enjoy.

ADD?

I find myself having rather short attention spans these days. The teeniest thing could distract me and I end up wasting a lot of time doing things I don't necessarily need to to: surf the web, online shopping, read the news, go on BuzzFeed. It's just, do I have ADD? Even this blog post is something I don't necessarily need to do but I did do it didn't I? Goodness focus Faiz, focus. A couple weeks to go. 

TwentyTwo

Twenty one was definitely a year for the books. Through all the ups and downs I went through this year, I made it through and I believe I am a stronger and better person now than I was ever before. And if it was anything I learned this year, it was perseverance. Through everything that happened, I kept going. I didn't give up. There were those points where I almost hit that threshold, but I held on. Last year was a year of revolution. This revolution was of me and my outlook of life. It seemed like I have been doing it wrong all these years and focusing on all the wrong things. No, life need not be perfect. If it was, life would be so dull. Life is meant to be enjoyed. If not, there really isn't a point in living is there? A wise friend of mine who I love to death once said, "life is about doing what you really like even if it's doing nothing or just relaxing and reading your favorite book." I couldn't agree more on this. You see, before, all I was focusing on was perfection. But in actuality it isn't healthy to chase perfection. Ideally it would be nice to have a so-called 'perfect' life, but then again without all these struggles and challenges, then there really won't be any fun in living. Yes, I admit, I had some tough times through these challenges faced but I still made it through didn't I? 

Twenty two will hopefully be my best year yet. I am uncertain of what the future holds but I am keeping optimistic. I feel like with a new outlook on life, this will materialize. Before I end this simple post, here is another quote from another beloved friend of mine. "You just have to open your eyes to the beautiful things in life. See them, use them, otherwise you'll lose them." Here's to a new year. Here's to twenty two. Here's to life.

New Page

I think I've turned over a new leaf. I was in no way being myself for the past month in a half and after a couple of deep conversation with dear friends and also my beloved sister, I may think I am on track to feeling much, much better. The fact that this week has been the best week yet of this semester is proof my life is looking up. I think the moral of this story is to not bottle up too much inside. I think I found that out the hard way. But the past is history, and now I am more determined to focus on the present and also plan for the future. I'll do my best to get back to where I was when I was extremely happy and hopefully finish of this year with a bang. Looking forward for Thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas and December break. Let's do this. 

:)

Hope

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light
'Cause oh that gave me such a fright
But I will hold on with all of my might
Just promise me we'll be alright

Old Faiz where are you?

Hurt

Maybe it's because I over analyze everything, but I just don't know what has happened to me. I feel rather uptight lately and I just don't know where the old me went. Was it because of that summer back home? I kind of miss home more than I ever had lately and I just don't know what to do. I have so many things jumbled up in my mind that I honestly think that I have almost reached that point where I almost can't take it anymore. I feel stressed out every single day and my savior is the gym. I don't smoke, I don't drink so that's pretty much the only option I got and I absolutely love it. But the thing is with everything going on in my life I feel mature beyond my age. I turn 22 in 20 days and I feel like I have a mind of a 28 year old. I should be enjoying my time here. I should be having the time of my life. I thought I was. But then when I dwell on this I feel like there is a huge void in my life where I just can't seem to fill. However, I am so grateful for all the support I've been getting from my friends here, family back home and especially my sister. If it weren't for them, I would think I'd go out of my mind. People say patience is a virtue, and boy have I been tirelessly been waiting, and waiting for something to go right, but nothing seems to be working at all. God, if you're listening, please please please calm my soul. I don't know why but I feel like if I was pushed I could literally suffer from a disastrous breakdown of sorts.

I just want to find the old me again. The person people knew as carefree, and just a joy to be around with. I miss him. And hopefully I can find him again in these coming days cause I don't want to start a new year being this version of myself. 

Ps// Readers, this post is rather depressing, but I can assure you I am holding up. I am generally an optimistic person so I won't do anything harmful or life threatening. Thanks for reading and caring. I love you.

Nope

These past few weeks haven't been the best to tell you the truth. I have been consistently busy with school and at times I feel like I am investing way too much time in it and I wonder if this is all worth it. But then again, of course it is. Surprisingly, a whole lot has happened and I am surprisingly...calm. I sort of have a new life motto now which is "whatever happens, happens" and though it may not be one to swear by, but you know I guess I am holding up. The gym has been a great escape of course and I have to say after a month and a half of this I think I am getting used to it and it is the one thing I look forward to everyday, well almost everyday. I usually go 5/6 times a week. Apart from that, a couple more midterms to do, a robot to make, final exams to take and of course, not to forget 95492387542308 different assignments to do, I can almost smell the end...of this semester. And of course the end of this life (as an always busy college student) I'm living at least for this year. Yes, a little bit more and then a much needed break. Am looking forward for that and hopefully this semester will go well.

Just Stop

Sometimes in this hectic life we live in, we forget to stop, and just take a moment to breathe. You wake up in the morning, and what do you do? For students alike, classes, homework, study, and a little partying on the side, and for the working-class men and women, it's work, then more work and a little bit of socializing on the side. It seems like your day-to-day schedule is set and there is seemingly no way to get around it. Little do you know it, is that life is so much more than just this. Life is about smiling to that person walking down the street. Life is about breathing the cold fresh air of an autumn day. Life is about being yourself. But most importantly life is to be enjoyed most by who else but you? So take that little moment to smile today. Take that moment to call/text a long lost contact today. Take that moment to tell someone you love them today. Its these little things that makes life, life. So drink a cup of joe/tea/hot cocoa and do what you enjoy. It is your life after all. Toodles.

We're all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into a mutually satisfying weirdness–and call it love–true love. -Robert Fulghum

All I Need

If everything we've got is slipping away
I meant what I said when I said until my dying day
I'm holding on to you, holding on to me
Maybe it's all gone black but you're all I see
You're all I see

Malaysia

It was a 26 hour journey from MSP to KUL, and because I sort of didn't sleep through any of them (I find it difficult to sleep on planes), I made it through with 8 cups of coffee. This, of course included the $8 one purchased in Amsterdam. It's rather ironic cause only a year ago, I wouldn't even drink coffee. My Amsterdam airport adventure continued with me starting a conversation with a guy from Switzerland and we hit it off almost instantly. Another woman from Berlin joined our conversation a little later and that made my 5 hour layover in Schiphol that much easier. Phew.

Once I got back home, I was of course greeted my my mom, who I could tell was overjoyed, dad and younger siblings. I told them I needed to get a cappuccino before we left the airport and we did exactly that. Since I arrived in the wee hours of the morning, we got some breakfast before heading home. I wasn't really jet-lagged (at least I think I wasn't) and on the first day I arrived, I did the one thing I wanted to do for the past 10 months. Drive. Yeah, simple as it may sound but driving is just one of those few things which actually makes me happy. So I did that almost immediately after reaching home and ladies and gentlemen, I still have it in me. The ability to drive well of course.

In the 4 days I've been home, I have done a lot. I feel like I compressed too much in too little time and today, I sort of crashed. I was rather tired and decided it would be a perfect day to stay in. So what I ended up doing was start - and finish - a new book I got off my Kindle. Score. So far this summer, I have finished 7 books since school was done in May. Quite a feat I think. Hopefully this summer reading will continue. I honestly don't know what else I will be doing this week, but hopefully I could meet up with at least one of my friends to catch up. We'll see.

Till the next time.

Here We Go

It was a rather busy week for me. Having to run a few last-minute errands for the family surely was tiring. But thankfully the shopping has been done and also everything ordered online has arrived. Now I guess all I need to do left is pack. I have to say I don't enjoy packing. If my stuff could pack themselves I would be forever grateful. Unfortunately life isn't easy. Well, a couple more days before I'm off. Here we go!

Currently playing Mat Kearney on repeat. Gosh I love this dude.

10 Months

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. - Neale Donald Walsh

August 20th 2011. That was the day my life changed, forever. It was the day I headed to the USA (again) to continue my college career, and as timid as I was, I put on my brave face and went. Albeit a taxing first week here in Minnesota, it was all for the better. I found myself living with 2 other great roommates and one not-so-great roommate. Well, what can I say, we can't have it all, right? It was a risk worth taking to have not contact anybody here before coming. It was a test to myself to put myself out there and hey, guess what? I did good. Of course taking the easy route of giving people here a heads up before I came would have made my life 9543208 easier, but that was just, too simple. I like being independent and that was just not my style. 

Like the quote above, it is true in so many ways. Life does begin at the end of your comfort zone. Sure, you may think that you are living life, but can you say that you are actually living life? Ask yourself, how may times have you stepped outside of your zone? You know those times where you did something that you never thought you could do? Those times where you did something outside of the norm? If you did stop to think and came up with nothing, then I suggest you try something you never would have thought of doing soon. It may seem hard cause of that cushion of comfort of life as you have it now, but why play it safe all the time? Risks are, at times, meant to be taken and you know what? It may also be the one thing that may or may not change you life forever. Remember life it short so make the most of it while you still can. You don't want to be that 'damn, I should have...' old man or woman 50 years down the road.

Minnesota was so intimidating for me at first and never in a million years would I have thought I'd be where I am today. For that, I forever thankful and grateful to Him for guiding me down this path to this life I have now. Alhamdulillah. It wasn't that I didn't believe in myself, but I was a timid young man, starting a new chapter his life. I was about to have an experience not many would be fortunate enough to have. And, I did want to make the most of this experience. I feel like after adjusting myself to the Minnesotan way here, I got more comfortable in my own skin and I worked wonders. Classes went well, I made friends easily and 10 months later, well, I am still alive and kicking right? Getting to this point in life I am now didn't come without it's struggles of course, but I have to say, it was all worth it. I won't know what will happen in the future, but I will be optimistic and hope for more great things to come my way. 

Now that I have endured 3 different semesters here, it is time for me to head home for the summer. I am extremely excited to be heading home, but part of me will miss this place. I know I will be heading back here, but still, 2 months away from this place I have called home for the past 10 months, will perhaps be rather bittersweet for me. I hope to be able to live here for an extended period of time but like I said, I am making the most of my time here now and of course I'll work my ass off to try to get a job here after school and if it was in the books for me to stay, then I will. The experience I have had here has been bittersweet nonetheless, but along the way, I learned a lot about myself and also grown and matured into a better me. So if I had to do it all over again would I have done it any different? Absolutely not.

Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. – Mark Twain

It's Happening

As I Skype with my mom, I can't believe how close we are to actually talking face to face, breathing the same air and of course, standing on the same ground, the ground I call home. In less than a month, I will be heading on home and truth be told, I am actually kind of nervous to go back. I don't know, the prospect of being scrutinized by traditional family members is imminent and I don't know how I will be able to handle that. Of course over the past year, I have changed, but I believe I have changed for the better. Yes, I am still that same old Faiz, who laughs at practically anything and everything, but perhaps this version of me coming home will be one who has aged and matured and perhaps a little more 'Americanized' in culture. But that isn't a bad thing (I think). I feel like over the past 9.5 months or so, I have learned so much about myself, and done things I wouldn't have thought possible. Besides that, I have made wonderful friends who, I think makes my stay here that much more enjoyable.

Now, all that is left in these 2.5 weeks before I head home is to buy goodies for the family to bring home. Of course since everything here (branded goods) are so much cheaper, I am assigned the task of being a shopper to hunt for great deals on things my family back home wants. And boy, that list is rather long. But it's OK, cause I do enjoy shopping and if it would make them happy, it would make me happy. So until then, I will enjoy the little bit of summer here just chilling and reading, lunch with friends, movies and of course shopping. Malaysia, I can almost smell you right now. I'll see you soon!

:)

Empty

I called my Spring semester done and over with 2 weeks ago. It wasn't the best of semesters but I am going to make sure I work my ass of in the Fall to comeback. Anyway, that's besides the point. May session started Monday and my American Sign Language (ASL) class I have been taking is perhaps my only saving grace of my day. I am so bored at home now I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Keep myself busy watching TV and movies? Check. Keep myself busy in the kitchen? Check. Keep myself busy outside of this house? Check. But I feel like I am running out of things to do. It seems like even though I am on a so-called break, it still feels so routine for me. Get home for class, relax for a bit, gym, home, cook, eat, break, tv/movie, sleep. I mean yeah, everyone I know is either out of this country, or back home or working. Seriously though, I am just bored out of my mind. Thank goodness to my roommate across the hall who I thoroughly enjoy chatting with. If it wasn't for him, I think I may just go into some great state of utter boredom. This post may be borderline rant-astic/desperate (see, I'm so bored I make up my own words now), but seriously, I need to see more familiar faces. Thank goodness it's the weekend. Now someone should call me and take me out! Save me. 

Oh, and also, home in exactly 4 weeks. Amen.

The Fighter

I haven't been into radio music for a while and I have to say, I actually like this song. I mean Gym Class Heroes and Ryan Tedder seems like an unlikely combo, but hey this song works! Listen to the lyrics. Sort of inspirational. After what I've been through this week, I sort of needed this. Well, have a great Friday everyone. :)

Boboy Pt. II

It wasn't the best day yesterday. When I found out Boboy passed, I was rather numb. I went to my class and I suppressed all my feelings inside and I honestly didn't know how I felt. I wasn't really focused in class and I hope I can recover cause a class I miss is week's worth of material covered. Anyway that is besides the point. After class, I went home and I sat down. I looked at pictures of him and the waterworks started on queue. This got even worse when I listened to Coldplay's See You Soon. Well, I guess after that, though still saddened by the news, I felt a little better. I kept myself preoccupied and did my homework and studied a little. I know Boboy is in a better place now. A place where he can breathe and play normally like other cats. He will always be my little Puss In Boots. I miss him and I will always love him.

Now, enjoy this Mat Kearney song. Take care folks.